Monday, July 14, 2014

Ice melting

Some significant changes this month. She is melting. I'm still living in a separate place. Still have been going away on weekends. I'm out of town now, and this will be my 7th consecutive weekend going out of town. In less than one week our family will be moving out of state, where we lived for about 8 months a few years ago. So here are the facts:

Saturday, May 31, 2014

You can't touch this

The prophet MC Hammer once said, you can't touch this. Well, that about describes my marriage right now. It has now been 3.5 months since my wife and I slept in the same bed. It has been a month since I moved out to an apartment and we've been formally separated, and it has been 6 months since we've made love. On mother's day a few weeks ago, I put my hand on her shoulder, that's it.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

A neutral state of marriage

There's nothing new to report. I've been going stronger and stronger on the Last Resort Technique, and we have connected lives - kind of. After the asking for compassion for sex failed miserably, well it was successful in other ways but failed with her, I've been pulling back more and more. It would be great if I could pull back while smiling, being pleasant, interacting with her like someone at the hardware store, and the like but that has been difficult.

I've learned that it's hard to push my actions towards the "Good" side and very easy to push it towards the "Bad" side in terms of reconciliation. There is a 3rd way....

Friday, May 16, 2014

Indifference is the difference

Indifference: : 1. the quality, state, or fact of being indifferent. 2 absence of compulsion to or toward one thing or another.

CH's take on this is that: Every woman, to a greater or lesser degree, feels the burn of lust and the agony of love for a man who projects a “take it or leave it” attitude.Note that aloof and indifferent doesn’t mean haughty, distant or uninterested. It means disinterested. It means that while you may love her and flatter her and soothe her and give her gifts, underlying it all is an attitude that tells her “I can walk if necessary, and find someone new.”

How do I do this in a marriage of 15+ years? In a Christian marriage?

Monday, May 12, 2014

Help I need somebody Part 1 & 2

Part 2 at the end

Help, I need somebody. Help, not just anybody. Help, you know I need someone, help. - The Beatles

These song lyrics describe my life. If you are reading this post, regardless of your background, any thoughts would be much appreciated by anyone. I thought things were picking up, or there was hope. After Sunday service when I accidentally looked up her shorts as she was coming down the stairs, I couldn't stop thinking

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's day touch

Today is Mother's Day. I've maintained radio silence so to speak, so haven't said anything to her. I try to be out of the house as much as possible, and I try not to look at her. Now, this seems pretty beta to do this. However, until I can get some strength for myself I feel like what I can do is push our relationship into the Neutral position. This whole time I've been trying hard to push my relationship with my wife into the Positive side, but it ends up failing.... So this day I

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Next step goals... Leave the house

 For the last week, I've been going to the gym 4-5x/week. I've been leaving around 5:30pm and coming home around 7:45pm. I then go up to say goodnight to my kids, pray with them, tuck them in, and then eat/do my laundry/and then go to my apartment leaving around 8:45pm.

Tonight I came home a little bit late from working out, around 8:15pm and the kids were not ready.